weddingsv make me drug and hornr
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Randomize
