I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
