I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
