I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
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