not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
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