Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
bring money and cleavage
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
