so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
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He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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