Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
