I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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