just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Randomize
