Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
