my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
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