I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Randomize