Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
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