In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Randomize
