Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize
