best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
