Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
