Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
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