I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Randomize
