And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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