Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
