After last night, I could never be a politician.
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
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