Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
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