don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
