I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
