your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
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