just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
Too much gin, very little bucket
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
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