He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
