Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
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