all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
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