i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Sex in the backyard? Check.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
