she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
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