A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Randomize
