I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
