I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
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