i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
