My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Randomize
