I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Randomize
