Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
