Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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