The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I am one with the molecules
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
