Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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