biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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