She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
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