I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
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