im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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