R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Everclear isn't food dammit
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Randomize
