Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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