just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Im part way to drunk.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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