She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
