I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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