why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Randomize