I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
