New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
You know, be my cock's hype man.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
I came so hard my ears popped.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
