apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Randomize
