Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Randomize
