literally had 100 drinks last night.
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
