I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
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