im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
They have beer where we have blood.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Randomize
