Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
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