Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
This is my life. Enjoy the view
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Randomize
