omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
