We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Randomize
