11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Randomize
