I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
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