you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Randomize
