dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
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I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
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You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
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