i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
