If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Randomize
