So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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