i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
21 People Reveal The Most Embarrassing Secrets They Know About Someone
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way