U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
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Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
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I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.