a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Terrible idea I love it
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.