I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
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Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
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I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?