If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it