he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
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