Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
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