Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
