def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
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