hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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