What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
