He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
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