I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
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I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
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One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Where are you guys?
Drunk
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