I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
Randomize
