Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
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