I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
And then the night went full on bisexual.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize
