I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
No stitches, just platelets and will power
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
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