oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Randomize
