dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Randomize
