The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Randomize
