it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
