I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
