just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Randomize
